Saturday, August 4, 2012

Page 3,337 in the Marriage is Awesome Manual

I don't write about my marriage very often in my blog or on facebook.  Mostly because, if I get a divorce, I'd like it to be because of something really worth it like a sex scandal or because one of us embezzling money from our own company (we don't have one) and using the money to buy gay republican hookers. But (which, as Dan knows because I tell him ALL THE TIME, means nothing before "but" counts), today I am going to talk about my marriage.  Call it a want ad.
Does anyone know a Caesar the dog whisperer type person for marriage????? Or maybe a translator who speaks fluent Kris (one of THE most difficult languages to learn) or fluent Dan (one of the dying languages, as far as I know only one person speaks it)?
Because here is the problem....we love each other.  We occasionally like each other.  We have kids together.  We have a fantastic sex life (sorry Patti) when we are not too tired or angry to actually have sex.  We like long walks on the beach (not really, sand is kind of gross) and, unfortunately, we speak entirely different languages.
Some people say things like, "we are not on the same page".  I think Dan and I are on the same page (page 3,337; it's a long book).  In different books.  By different publishers.  Printed in different languages.  I am sold in the now defunct Borders and on iTunes.  He is available only in Portuguese at Barnes & Noble.
Are you married?  Do you get it?  It makes my teeth hurt.


Jamie said...

I totally get it! Todd and I definitely speak different languages. Isn't that why the book, "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus," was written?

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