Sunday, November 13, 2011

In Direct Proportion

I've spent countless minutes of my life wishing for my mom's voice to quiet so that I could have a thought to myself.   You know where this is going, right? Now, of course, I'd do just about anything to hear her voice......

In the past I've had entire conversations with her when she wasn't in the room.  A drawback to having a person so much larger than life in your life is that you find yourself with them even when you're not.  Any decision I've ever made about decorating a room, for example.  While decorating our house, I'd hear my mom's opinion about whatever I was doing; before I did it, while I did, after I did it, occassionally as I re-did it.  Sometimes she was actually there and sometimes I just heard what I knew she would say; the good, the bad and the ugly.

It's possible that growing up without a dad  shaped that aspect of our relationship, but I tend to think that it was just the pure force of my mother's personality.  My mom informed most of the information and opinions of the people in her life, myself included.

Now I find that I can barely write and I am wondering if the amount of words that came out of my mom's mouth were in direct proportion to the amount of words propelled by my pen.  For the moment, she is quiet and I seem to be out of ink.  I certainly hope it's temporary and I wonder what my mom would have to say about it?


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